Saturday, May 16, 2009

Of innocence and experience.

Everyone now and again I hear a song by one of the artists you introduced me to. It's when this occurs that I stop and wonder if I'll ever be able to breathe again. And then I do. It's then that I remember that this is the first time in a long time that I've missed you.

That's what happens, right? You love someone so much that being without them for a week, a day, an hour, feels unbearable. And then, a few months or years later, you're reminded of that feeling and you miss it so much. You miss the mutual obsession. But you also remember why the obsession ended.

I have so many memories of friends and ...others... that are like that. It's been so long since I thought they were worthy of being my whole world. The problem is; worthy or not, they were. And they still make up part of who I am.

Some days I pick up the phone to call you, or I laugh at something only you could recognise, or I crave the way we fit together when you hugged me.

Maybe one day you and I could be healthy. And we could be you and me again. I don't think so though. I can't be sure of this, but I think I'm right;
you've never missed watching movies with me in your room,
you've never missed late night, forbidden conversations online or on the phone
you've not really missed me.

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