Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?

I like to re-use teabags. Like, one teabag to two cups of tea. I am a fan of refills, okay? I also try to take short showers (and fail miserably). I love cheese but I've been vegan since September - I miss parmesan like crazy. I'm a fan of self-righteous sacrifice, I suppose. Poor Earth, poor children in Africa, poor homeless person etc.; I'ma cut back so in some weird way they can have what I have. Affluence, boredom, a propensity (and ability) to over-eat. Yeah, likely.

Somehow I never managed to make much of a difference. The world and its inhabitants are still dying. And I ain't no skinny bitch, for all the vegan dieting and bike riding places.

That being said; I need new clothes. I want to go shopping which COULD prove difficult considering the recent quarantine of my sister with the whole swine flu pandemic. Work don't want me for a little while; how will I pay for my vanity? Granted, my accidentally giving swine flu to the pregant women and old men I am frequently in contact with at work could tarnish my image; no matter how trendy my new skirt is. But I really wish there wasn't such a strict budget considering just how dire my wardrobe situation is lately. I finally outgrew my "nothing but t-shirts!" phase but shirts with defined necklines and tailored seams cost a wee bit more. Damn my curves.

Shopping with me is an activity akin to a specifically awful kind of Chinese torture. I am so fussy. Even when gift shopping for other people I'm a perfectionist. And clothes shopping; ugh! I have a particularly frustratingly odd figure so I am always complaining. And, as in this blog, no one will or wants to listen.

So there're my thoughts for now. Fascinating, right?

Of innocence and experience.

Everyone now and again I hear a song by one of the artists you introduced me to. It's when this occurs that I stop and wonder if I'll ever be able to breathe again. And then I do. It's then that I remember that this is the first time in a long time that I've missed you.

That's what happens, right? You love someone so much that being without them for a week, a day, an hour, feels unbearable. And then, a few months or years later, you're reminded of that feeling and you miss it so much. You miss the mutual obsession. But you also remember why the obsession ended.

I have so many memories of friends and ...others... that are like that. It's been so long since I thought they were worthy of being my whole world. The problem is; worthy or not, they were. And they still make up part of who I am.

Some days I pick up the phone to call you, or I laugh at something only you could recognise, or I crave the way we fit together when you hugged me.

Maybe one day you and I could be healthy. And we could be you and me again. I don't think so though. I can't be sure of this, but I think I'm right;

you've never missed watching movies with me in your room,
you've never missed late night, forbidden conversations online or on the phone
and
you've not really missed me.

No day but today.

My little sister has a new friend who lent her Rent on DVD which is lovely. However, my little sister also has a new friend who is a boy. You know the kind. Oh, and to complete the happy picture; he's the best friend's older brother. Yes, I said the word older. How did she inherit my Aunt's rebel gene? I mean, as I write this I am watching Rent, drinking tea and contemplating which homework to do first.

I turn 18 in a little over a month. I keep telling myself that as soon as that occurs; I become a more interesting and outgoing person. The ingredients for disappointment, I know, but if nothing else I am an experimental cook. Who knows, maybe I will make a good party girl. More than likely though it'll just mean I'll be buying the liquor for my sister and her friends. And the older boyfriend who may or may not be mysteriously neutered in his sleep by then.

I have a Tash fringe right now but I'm getting a hair cut tomorrow. Problem is that my hair dresser can be a wee bit unpredictable. He's been known to give me a side fringe and curl my hair when I go in wearing a band t-shirt and cargos. So I'ma wear really neutral stuff tomorrow so whatever hair do he gives me won't make me look ridiculous when I go directly to Uni afterward. Oh, who am I kidding? All hair styles look ridiculous on me.

And it rains in your bedroom.

I could just hide under the swollen pile of clothes that continues to gorge itself on whatever gets dropped on the floor. Which is everything.

My family is kind of screwed up. But then I know that is kind of a superfluous statement, like "chocolate is yum" etc. It is a truth universally acknowledged that everyone's family is screwed up. So yeah, mine is like everyone else's, and people don't get along and it gets awkward and stuff. However, today we had a decent chunk of the extended family over which was really, really nice :) I got to hold babies and make tea for people and it was just all-around-middle-class-white-family pleasantness.

Now I am avoiding doing my homework, which BTW I should start calling "assignments" since apparently University is different to High school. It's all just school to me; whether you're learning to read Ancient runes or learning to read Shakespeare or just plain learning to read. School, learning, hard. All non-distinct terms. Which is how it should be. Speaking of how it should be, I should get back to work.