Tuesday, March 9, 2010

A heart plus a heart.

You're never going to lose me. I'm made out of glue.

You stitched me up when I was falling apart and loved me more than I could ever have asked to be loved. You placed my head on your shoulder every day of one of the hardest years of my life. You held my hand, giggled at my jokes, stroked my hair... you were everything that I needed at a very dark time for me. I manipulated you, I think, promised you - through lies of omission - something that I couldn't give you. I wasn't able, at that time, to give much of anything to anyone. But I'm sorriest of all for the things I wasn't able to give you. I will always be jealous of anyone you love the way you loved me. And anyone you love more than you loved me.

You're not boring. You're not forgettable. And you're not mine.

I'm going to go away and learn to be the person you always told me I could be. You've always believed in me and idealised me in a way that I needed. I can never thank you enough for thinking I am better than I am. Your over confidence in what I can do will most likely put me over the line in the days I am sure to feel like I want to give in to the voices in my head that tell me I'm worthless. But I'm going to try my hardest not to miss when you saw a light lining my shadow. And I know you're never going to see that there again.

I think we're both going to have to be okay with that.

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