Kiss me goodbye.

Some stuff I forgot to write in the late hours of last night or didn't feel comfortable bringing up online until nowish.

Watched Glee the other night and it made me cry for the first time. That show don't normally hit so many soft spots at once but this episode went all out. Maybe it was also the lack of sleep I had the night before or the emotional stuff that follows neurotic teenage girls like me around. The reason behind conspicuously casting so many minorities in lead roles became clear around the same time Kurt and his Dad had me blinking furiously and saying "it's just hayfever" through my sleeve.

I guess I'm a little overemotional for other reasons, also. I could resist explaining because writing this stuff in a blog is like yelling "You're making a scene! I can't believe you're doing this in public! People are listening!" on a crowded train or something. But what the hell.

It's probably difficult to discover this, what with my amazing powers of disguise, but I'm a highly insecure, neurotic, extra-strength crazy person. As such, when people just disappear from my life or grow distant, I stop talking and get paranoid and just all-around hurt. Never mind that I can often treat other people like they don't matter without breaking a sweat. Avoid my questions or stop saying "hey" to me frequently and I lose it. But I don't tend to move closer to people and try to discover why they hate me all of a sudden. Because, obviously, it's all about me and has very little to do with them. Instead, I hide behing nonchalance and then get flabbergasted when they say "I thought you didn't care anymore". What gave you that impression?

Well, my amazing skillz with people have brought me some great rewards lately. Not the least of which is two friends being deeply unhappy while I'm nowhere to be seen. Obviously dealing with the much larger issue of why neither of them trust me enough to open up. Those selfish bitches. How could they do this to me?

...basically, I'm blogging about being a teenage girl. Tune in next time, folks, for more excitement. Blerg.

I'm surrounded by your embrace.

The obsession with Glee continues. The show just fills me with sunshine. I am sort of a closet optimist, even after graduating high school, and it gives me hope for the sort of happiness achievable for young people. It reminds me a bit of when Book Club was nice. But that's a story for another time.

So work friends were teasing me about my non-existent boyfriend the other day (the bearded, biker one who I'm going to Europe with after meeting him a week ago) and I started thinking about the important men in my life. I can literally count them on one hand. I can't help if going to a girls' school and lacking interest in guys who can't string a sentence together (which is about 75% of them after the age of 13) means I don't really know many people of the opposite sex very well.

Two of my best friends are guys, but they've been around for so long that they don't really have a gendered aspect when I consider them as companions. Like my long term female friends, they're just friends. The only good use for boy friends as opposed to just friends is that boy friends are taller than I am which is more than I can say for most of my lady pals. Which is handy when I feel like leaping into their arms in an aggressive hug. Perhaps I should reconsider how often I do that? Hmm. Nah. Nick and Baker feel like home by now, though. Hugging them is like lounging on my couch. Just something comforting I like to do when I need some rest.

And then there's dear old Dad. He's easy to get along with half the time and excruciatingly difficult the rest of the time. But then, so am I. He was already forty when I was born so he got something of a jump start on the grumpy old man thing people find so frustrating/adorable in later life. I kind of like that, due to my older sister, my father was a Grumpa while I was still in high school. That being said, it also explains his persistent irritability and random acts of generousness associated with kindly older relatives.

It is a bit odd that these are the only men I spend any real time with. But what do I need more for? I figure there's no reason to create a need. If I meet someone awesome enough the need will just sort of form itself. Adolescence is coming to a close for me, I'm travelling next year and I'm sure all of my neuroses and prejudices are just waiting for the right Mr. Darcy (or Wickham, even) to break them down.

I mean, who says men and women can't be friends?

What do you say to taking chances?

I spent yesterday at Baker's. We watched Buffy with his little sister and I stuffed my face with cookies. It sounds mediocre but it was actually really great, something I never get the chance to do with him (and his sister, I guess). I hug him and I feel whole; a way I always promised never to feel because of another person. My happiness is not dependent on anyone else, I said, but this is the good kind of dependent happiness. He's just comfortable and I forget how much until I get to spend some time with him again and then everything just feels better. It helps to know he's the epitome of wonderful, someone who would never take advantage of the way I rely on him. He's just my very favourite boy, I guess.

So researching this Europe/North America/wherever trip is both heartening and terrifying. So it turns out I have no money but apparently this need not be an issue (yet). I'm awfully curious as to how my plans are going to pan out. For the time being, I should probably just enjoy my Baker hugs.

You think this is hard?

Hmm. So I'ma put this out there. I love Glee. I am a "Gleek" (as in, a Glee geek, not the sort of spit that happens when you yawn). I adore the show in spite of all the cliches and flaws. Masssive girl crush on Rachel Berry (referring to character, not actress. See also: my eternal love for Maxwell Sheffield). Hayley and I had a blast watching the show last night so that's another point in its favour. I also sort of was a Gleek in high school.

When I was fourteen I sang in the middle school talent contest. A capella seemed like a good idea at the time (yeah, I was that girl). It was a two-day competition and I did happen to win my day's contest. That being said, I think I performed on the day of both lesser entrants and overall talent. I definitely ain't a singer; people just tend to admire the brave stupidity, I think.

One of my proudest *cough* moments was performing as a nun in the Sound of Music. The one with glasses, in case you were wondering. I ended up being the one with no microphone (there was a shortage and I'm a self-sacrificing Sister if there ever were one) which I think was a mercy for me- and the audience- in the end.

I also adore musicals, their trivia, anything involving good singing (no, I don't include Australian Idol in that category), stage shows ... I sirpoze I was destined to adore Glee for being an idealised version of everything I wanted at high school. If I'm honest it's the sort of thing I'd want now if I had the time or the talent for it.

And I am a Gleek, I just never joined Glee Club.